You won't let go
You dare not lose yourself
But you cannot see
That the closer you hold
The tighter you cling
The more you strangle me.
Destiny - Chapter FourOver the next few months I started to explore my "gift" as I had taken to calling it. It was getting stronger, becoming overwhelming most of the time. I would walk into a room simply to be bombarded with other people's emotions; I didn't know which ones were mine and which ones weren't. I could control myself well enough that I never had a breakdown in front of anyone but Tempest, my little sister, but it was becoming increasingly more difficult to hide. After several weeks of being on an emotional roller coaster, she finally suggested that we work together to help me control the emotions and try to block them out.
It wasn't an easy process in the least. During this exploration I began to research. I needed to know if this was an anomaly or not, and if not, I need to know how to contain it, how to act and why I even had it.
I devoured every resource I could on the old Celtic religions, the era in which the earth and nature was worshiped; where the Mother Goddess and the Horned One rule
Love in a Hopeless Place
As I sit on my couch with my beer and my shot of whiskey in front of me, the sounds of music thumping through my speakers and my blood, I start to think about the past. It's been a year, and it's hard to believe but it has been. I wish I could take all of my memories and filter them out and play them over again to the sounds of my song, just so you could see them. See what I went through, hear what I heard.
I see them all just flashing over and over: the day we first met, the smile and the hug I was greeted with. The smell of my cigarettes and the dirty city streets as we walked to the movie theater the bitter taste of the whiskey on my tongue and the burn as it slid down my throat.
You found me in a bad time, the stress, the drinking, the drugs, the cutting even the abusive boyfriend. I had all the marks of a girl spiraling out of control. I wish I could put my memories into words just for once, to let someone else see it from my eyes: the times we drove around at 1 in
Destiny - Chapter ThreeThe fire flickered and sputtered in the fireplace. It was Thanksgiving and I was trying my hardest not to go crazy. The church had rented a hall for the meal and there were people everywhere. I still did not have a very good grip on controlling my gift and all the thoughts flowing around me were giving me a migraine. It was difficult sifting through all the thoughts swirling around. But when I was by the fire, it almost deadened the sense a little bit.
I looked up when I "heard" a thought from a person I knew well. Why hasn't he answered yet? Oh god, I hope nothing happened.... My sister was pacing nearby. She sighed and walked over to me. She sat down next to me and ran a hand through her hair.
"He's fine." I told her, without moving my gaze from the fire.
She visibly started. "W-who?"
"Jake." I responded, referring to her 'secret' boyfriend. Neither of us were technically supposed to date. She was going through some special classes at church. And I was still in high-school. Ap
Destiny - Chapter TwoMy life wasn't particularly charmed; I was a regular baby, and then an average child. My baby sister was born when I was two and I didn't understand the fuss and hubbub about her. She cried and screamed and slept and that was about it. Rather boring. In fact my cat was more interesting than she was.
My story starts with my eleventh birthday, actually the story starts long before then, but for it mainly started once I hit puberty. Up until then I had been carefree, the only distress in my world being whether or not I could get my math homework completed and still have time to play outside. It was then that the nightmares started. Oh I had always had bad dreams for as long as I could remember, only now, instead of being chased by dinosaurs and drowning in huge vats of chocolate, I was being chased by skeletons and rotten corpses, drowning in seas of blood and seeing my family and friends killed while I watched, unable to close my eyes. I dealt with these dreams by myself, even now, fifte
Destiny - Chapter OneI wasn't supposed to be alive. They called me the Miracle Child. Born more than a month before I was supposed to, I didn't even have lungs that worked. My heart? It had a hole in it. My own mother wasn't even able to hold me after I was born. As soon as I was born, the only arms I felt were those of doctors.
I never knew why I didn't die then. More than that, besides the occasional sickness that almost every child suffered, I was incredibly healthy.
For as long as I could remember, there was a painting that hung over the doorway to my room in my family's small apartment. A picture of three angels. My mother said that they reminded me of her and my older sister and my younger brother. I didn't know about all that. What I knew was that those nights that even as a young child that I couldn't sleep for whatever reason, I was able to find elusive sleep as I looked at that painting.
As a child, I had a vivid imagination. My imagination that had me writing stories in my notebook when I was su
Destiny - Prologue"She wasn't supposed to live!" came the hissed, angry voice from the shadows.
"No, she wasn't. But what is done is done. There was no reason for her death. He did what he saw fit in the time of difficulty."
"There was a reason you ignorant fool! There is always a reason. Her death was for the strength and trial of the eldest. It would have made her into a formidable opponent, changed the future of this world and theirs for good! It was ordained."
"This too was written in the stars. Her life and that of her sister has been etched in the stars since the beginning of time itself. Her life will strengthen the eldest and the destiny of the eldest will form the life and strength of the younger."
"SILENCE!" came a firm voice from the edge of the forest. "Silence, both of you. There is a reason behind everything. The destiny of these two was changed the second the child took breath. She was not supposed to but she has, and thus it has changed the future. They
kissMake a wish on a kiss and blow it to the wind
Hope it finds the one in mind and brightly shines
With the deep love with which it was given.
Fragile Memories - ProlougeIt was black as pitch that night as I lay down to sleep. The only sounds in the house were that of the heater and the steady slow beating of my heart. I lay beneath my blankets in a cozy cocoon of blissful warmth and closed my tired eyes. As I drifted off to sleep, I dreamt. Very much in the manner of Alice down the rabbit hole. A dream, but yet a vague, cloudy memory of the past within the dream. And as I fell further down the rabbit hole into Wonderland, my memory returned to me....
I opened my eyes to the world around me, a world so familiar yet so foreign to me at the same time. The trees were large and ancient, gnarled in their wisdom and the length of their memories. silken images fluttered before my eyes in the forms of gauzy butterflies and glistening spiders webs, shiny with the smallest of dew drops clinging to their delicate strands. The wind whispered playfully through the fern fronds and stirred up the leaves of the highest of the tree tops.The sun filtered quietly
ours to paint.we stand with our pinkies entwined
on both sides
in a promise
your sleeves come down
over my hands
and we are toe to toe
as our eyes and breath
that rush upward
to fill in the constellations
as if the world
is ours to paint
ours to kiss under
ours to stop.
ChibisA chibi here
A chibi there
A small body
They're as cute
As they can get
A reason to smile
A pleasure to the eye
A Song of Obsidian (Edgar Allan Poe Tribute)Upon one Night’s solemn, a dream caressed my soul darkly,
And I awoke with all light failing, dying in cold winds bewailing
“A ghostly curtain,” I declared!—beyond my window peering;—
A wanton Lover that beshrew my deepest slumber
To what pleasures might arise, before my last breath is taken—
Surely I will ponder in gardens bleeding obsidian
Twas a Winter’s song, I recall—she first loomed upon the ages;
A fable—wherest my skin still broods in those dark torn pages
My beloved once wed;—now an apparition wild and seething
Her beauty tis but a lament, forever lost in my soul, haunting—
This winged-Demon outside, dripping terror from the trees;—
Unto a night of dread—a tempest of ebon seas
Decay hath become wine thru many Moons bleak and passing
Yet this black figure threatens my carriage of madness;—
“I beseech thee,” she bemoaned, clad in crimson shadows
A Goddess or Demon, returned in naked p
lost meso i matched the rhythm of my breathing to his. night
fell vividly, violet, cutting through
still living flesh.
a butterfly made its last flutter.
he was aristocratic, i was the needle, it was
erratic and so we didn't open our eyes. my hands,
gloveless, found him in the dark. i knew he kept finding
hair pins somewhere in the pages
of all those telephone books. and atlas wanted
to feel this touch when i traced
his shoulder blades in awe:
pathmaker, keykeeper, &found. the earth shivered.
when i lie down i am a maze no more.
10:18 pmtoday i found weapons
buried beneath your skin; pistols
loaded, pointed against your
h e a r t.
while you turned away
i tried to
disarm you. i pressed my lips
to your skin to
remind you of the things
you can't yet know.
sunlight on sundaysthey say the city is alive
roaring with the beat
of a million hearts, well
then the countryside
is a slow, sleepy creature
gradual osmosis of graveyard
and sunlight; grass sinks
in memory foam sundays
roadside miracles of daisies
and barbed wire fences
scattered leaves are baby teeth
back to back against dead bodies
skin grazed, heart scraped
on stone and electromagnetic
spectrum, infrared radiation
on our arms but we revel in it
thrum of crickets and wings and
engines, shadows of the monument
the ultimate reminder
that here, everything ends
and the baby teeth flutter
in the wind-- neon socks are out
of place here, red jumpers
and blue dresses are not things
for the dead or for this kind
of quiet: no, the trees here
are never reborn, skeletons
among skeletons above
portcullis stones, fortress of graves
this is not a place for high heels
even on drunk, crying women
sad sorry picture painters
and yet i wish still for lipstick laughter
and frivolity at my funeral
off rhythmremember when yesterday used to stay
buried, nestled in between the songs that filled my breath?
it would trace trails across my rib rails and tickle my stomach
til it set sail and rushed to the ends of the earth
eager to find the best place to rest
far from the turmoil of my salty, bitter soil
back to its mother, to the cradle of its birth
where it could sleep uninterrupted.
i think i locked it in the cage just so
not to bear it on my back, hold it in my arms
or wear it on my skin.
but it creeps out and i collapse in shivers
fold shapes with my skeleton and forsake dimensions to escape it.
i ransack my self-sense for thumbtacks to pin myself back together with
but it results in reflections of futility and what freedom really is
i'd like to kno